Children... be yourselves
What stopped the writing bug in me from penning down my musings for years, were my two children who obviously needed my attention.What triggers the words now, is another child , an eight year old, charming little boy whom I very much adore. I have always been immensely impressed by the patience and interest which he had shown in learning drawing and painting from me. But I saw him breakdown when his mother narrated how he was nervous about the spelling contest the next day in school. For quite awhile he was inconsolable. Making an eight year old understand that winning a medal in a competition isn't the "be all and end all" in life is a hard task. But I couldn't stop myself from saying a few things to him which eventually stopped his cries and renewed his confidence in himself.
The first thing I asked him was , "Is it because of someones' pressure that you have enrolled yourself for the competition?" He replied that it was a compulsory exercise. In between hiccups and gentle persuasion he told me that he had won the Spell bee championship a year back and didn't want to lose again. He wanted to be among the best in class whom all looked up to. That stunned me. So much of stress in the lil mind. Not good at all. I told him that these so called "best" will be gone in a few days, what matters is that your family will love you, whatever happens. We all look up to him for so many positive qualities he has. An unconvinced look from him made me ask him , " Who is your classmate who never participates in anything, but is still very happy?" He took a name and I said , "You are not him.You have achieved so much and yet you are unhappy. That is because you have been thinking about failing in what you do , rather than concentrating on what you are supposed to focus on." When his mother complained that he made silly mistakes , and correctly spelled all complicated ones, I had to stop her and say " Hey , wow ,you are so clever that you did all the complicated ones. Past is gone. Just think that you are lucky you are getting the chance to participate. Think about the joy of winning and not what if you lose." I narrated the story of King Robert Bruce and the spider which did stop the rolling tears. I do not know if whatever I told him was correct or if he understood everything, at least he seemed relaxed during the next hour of class.
But the whole incident got me thinking , kids are quite talented these days and so the competition is tough.Wait, we also had a lot of competition to face. We usually had to face a lot more , because we had to face it alone. Our parents had let us be.We were adept in solving our muddles . Parents these days try to spend as much time with their children as they can (otherwise conscience pricks?!!!!) , which has its own hazards. Each and every happening in school has to be narrated, each and every issue is brought home, and often are discussion topics at the dinner table, conflicting views arise confusing the child, over enthusiastic parents assert their views and aspirations on the child. Result, a confused , stressed and overworked child. Or the other extreme, an overly cool cat, who withdraws into his shell, procrastinates and messes up things.
Guess we should let them grow tougher by tasting failures , let them find and solve problems. Subtle hints and pointers with life examples can be given . Less of critical talk and more of explanations works better. Never showing our stress in front of the kids, is not practical always. But telling why you are upset can make you and the child feel better. And of course , something we all know yet conveniently sideline , limit the use of mobiles, laptops ,tabs and iPad. First let the child be independent. Without criticising or being over supportive, let us help them build their own self.
The first thing I asked him was , "Is it because of someones' pressure that you have enrolled yourself for the competition?" He replied that it was a compulsory exercise. In between hiccups and gentle persuasion he told me that he had won the Spell bee championship a year back and didn't want to lose again. He wanted to be among the best in class whom all looked up to. That stunned me. So much of stress in the lil mind. Not good at all. I told him that these so called "best" will be gone in a few days, what matters is that your family will love you, whatever happens. We all look up to him for so many positive qualities he has. An unconvinced look from him made me ask him , " Who is your classmate who never participates in anything, but is still very happy?" He took a name and I said , "You are not him.You have achieved so much and yet you are unhappy. That is because you have been thinking about failing in what you do , rather than concentrating on what you are supposed to focus on." When his mother complained that he made silly mistakes , and correctly spelled all complicated ones, I had to stop her and say " Hey , wow ,you are so clever that you did all the complicated ones. Past is gone. Just think that you are lucky you are getting the chance to participate. Think about the joy of winning and not what if you lose." I narrated the story of King Robert Bruce and the spider which did stop the rolling tears. I do not know if whatever I told him was correct or if he understood everything, at least he seemed relaxed during the next hour of class.
But the whole incident got me thinking , kids are quite talented these days and so the competition is tough.Wait, we also had a lot of competition to face. We usually had to face a lot more , because we had to face it alone. Our parents had let us be.We were adept in solving our muddles . Parents these days try to spend as much time with their children as they can (otherwise conscience pricks?!!!!) , which has its own hazards. Each and every happening in school has to be narrated, each and every issue is brought home, and often are discussion topics at the dinner table, conflicting views arise confusing the child, over enthusiastic parents assert their views and aspirations on the child. Result, a confused , stressed and overworked child. Or the other extreme, an overly cool cat, who withdraws into his shell, procrastinates and messes up things.
Guess we should let them grow tougher by tasting failures , let them find and solve problems. Subtle hints and pointers with life examples can be given . Less of critical talk and more of explanations works better. Never showing our stress in front of the kids, is not practical always. But telling why you are upset can make you and the child feel better. And of course , something we all know yet conveniently sideline , limit the use of mobiles, laptops ,tabs and iPad. First let the child be independent. Without criticising or being over supportive, let us help them build their own self.
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